Superglue and Sobs

Monday was the tumour board meeting and I picture the medical experts seated around a table bearing my blob in a dish). They decided not to refer me for radiation therapy, saying “there's nothing left to irradiate” thanks to the skilful surgeon. HOORAY!

I may have lost 2 or more lymph nodes but they couldn't be exactly counted, nor do we know how many I have left. Apparently a full complement of nodes in the groin varies from 3 to 10. You can't tell how many are there, not even in a scan, unless there is cancer or something else wrong. However, the doctors believe my chance of suffering lymphoedema is probably lower than 15%.

Physically, I'm feeling good and mending well, every day a little better.

I'm loving the superglue which is more flexible and comfortable than stitches and I really appreciate freedom from mucky dressings that have to be kept dry in the shower etc.

Wearing a bag to catch the drain fluid is bringing back memories of my 6 month experience with the iliostomy, and that's a good thing really. This might be a little gross, but it's NOTHING like the grossness, pain and stress of a protracting or retracting stoma that leaks and burns!

Emotionally … well, I came to pieces on day 8, sobbing on the phone to my telco over a stupid high bill overcharged while I was vulnerable and immobilised in the hospital. I kept having to ask her to slow down and repeat due to my difficulty with her accent. She was very patient really.

When I wondered why I was feeling so cut up, of course it dawned on me – why wouldn't I be?

Surgery was, after all, a trauma, even if it went as well as possible!

Some would say life's too short to spend any of it talking to telcos, let alone the inevitable 1 1/2 hours on hold! But I don't know – I felt glad that she copped my meltdown rather than my family. I stayed with it and put in a couple of hours grieving. A good howl is sometimes really helpful, I find, and I feel much better after it.

4 thoughts on “Superglue and Sobs”

  1. So pleased the op. went well Alison. Next time I'm about to have a melt down I'll give my telco a call and get it out of my system. Love it! Lots of love Pip

  2. Good on you! Your entitled to the blues. I think is part of the process & part of the frustration of not being on the go like normal. But you'll be there before you know it! I'm sure there's more laughs than tears. Love Gina

  3. I do think about the ongoing grieving and the energy it consumes… yet seems so unavoidable. So necessary. I continue to grieve over the loss of my husband and so it goes on until it stops… whenever that is. So much energy though and one feels exhausted by it all. Good that you share it and let people know. Like opening the window into the real full spectrum of how you are, not just the sociable bits that are easy to discuss. I listen to what you are telling us Alison and hope I hear it as well. Love those around you. Hpe to see you – minus a blob thingy in near future to check out the super glue scar. Fantastic hey. I have heard it is now a new essential for the first aid kit!

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