At last a word from the void. Sorry about my silence – I have been quite sick. For over a fortnight I’ve been lying around thinking of all the things I’d like to do but not managing any of them.
I had a bit of a cold when I went into cycle 6 and not surprisingly it worsened when my immunity plummeted in response to the chemo. As I am no longer able to tolerate carboplatin, I had cisplatin which has a reputation for more severe side effects.
A week later my white blood cell count was “borderline” and the doctors suggested I could skip that second dose since I was already feeling so dreadful. However, I didn’t hesitate because it was my LAST ONE. After all the delays and dose reductions along the way, I really wanted to give the cancer a last hit, so I finished the treatment – and I’m still recovering
YES, THAT WAS THE LAST DOSE. CHEMO FINISHED! HOORAY!
(That’s the good news.)
The bad news is only temporary, that I’ve just been laid low, mainly with the virus and a bunch of complications. The worst part is I seem to have developed asthma, just for a novelty. I’m taking medicine for it and trying to be patient.Ha ha, the patient is feeling a little impatient wanting my energy back and to be able to breathe without a struggle.
Just to keep with the miserable theme, here are my notes from art therapy on 30th July. Yes, it’s about grief again.
Materials: I used rich aqua pastel crayons, acrylic paints and lots of water applied with fingers. Sandra (art therapist) stayed with me – oh and a tissue box for the tears.
Method: I just allowed myself to feel the pain of my grief and grabbed the colour that felt right to express it, enjoying the process of sweeping the colours on the paper.
Results: Grief, in waves – about my health/disease and the changes it has brought to my life and those of my family
Conclusion: To be realistic, grief is just a fact of life. There’s nothing wrong with it. It’s a bit messy,but with surprising beauty. Accepting that it is something I must live with, I don’t feel so overwhelmed by it.
Interesting research: Analysis of emotional tears revealed they contain feel-good hormones (among other things) not present in the tears shed over cut onions. It means weeping is naturally healthy response to grief (in case anyone needs to be reminded). http://www.creationinthecrossfire.org/Articles/tears/tears.pdf