Last one !

At last a word from the void. Sorry about my silence – I have been quite sick. For over a fortnight I’ve been lying around thinking of all the things I’d like to do but not managing any of them.

I had a bit of a cold when I went into cycle 6 and not surprisingly it worsened when my immunity plummeted in response to the chemo. As I am no longer able to tolerate carboplatin, I had cisplatin which has a reputation for more severe side effects.

A week later my white blood cell count was “borderline” and the doctors suggested I could skip that second dose since I was already feeling so dreadful. However, I didn’t hesitate because it was my LAST ONE. After all the delays and dose reductions along the way, I really wanted to give the cancer a last hit, so I finished the treatment – and I’m still recovering

YES, THAT WAS THE LAST DOSE. CHEMO FINISHED! HOORAY!
(That’s the good news.)

The bad news is only temporary, that I’ve just been laid low, mainly with the virus and a bunch of complications. The worst part is I seem to have developed asthma, just for a novelty. I’m taking medicine for it and trying to be patient.Ha ha, the patient is feeling a little impatient wanting my energy back and to be able to breathe without a struggle.

Just to keep with the miserable theme, here are my notes from art therapy on 30th July. Yes, it’s about grief again.

Materials: I used rich aqua pastel crayons, acrylic paints and lots of water applied with fingers. Sandra (art therapist) stayed with me – oh and a tissue box for the tears.

Method: I just allowed myself to feel the pain of my grief and grabbed the colour that felt right to express it, enjoying the process of sweeping the colours on the paper.

Results: Grief, in waves – about my health/disease and the changes it has brought to my life and those of my family

Conclusion: To be realistic, grief is just a fact of life. There’s nothing wrong with it. It’s a bit messy,but with surprising beauty. Accepting that it is something I must live with, I don’t feel so overwhelmed by it.

Interesting research: Analysis of emotional tears revealed they contain feel-good hormones (among other things) not present in the tears shed over cut onions. It means weeping is naturally healthy response to grief (in case anyone needs to be reminded). http://www.creationinthecrossfire.org/Articles/tears/tears.pdf

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11 thoughts on “Last one !”

  1. Congratulations on finished your last chemo cycle, now your while blood cells will have a chance to recover and you'll get your energy back. I might add that so many locals have had a nasty virus and one friend had 7 lots of antibiotics!! On the good news front in this mornings paper was a photo of a lady who was diagnosed with ovarian cancer 10 years back and she's fundraising. It didn't give any more details of her treatment etc but nice to know she's survived 10 years and she looked good in the photo. Love Danni

  2. This is wonderful therapy for grief. I've done some of it too and it really helped. It's a service I'd like to be in a position to provide for others some time. It's really good, however painful, to fully experience this feeling and, as you've done, come to know that there is nothing wrong with it. It's the darkness that makes the light work and we are richer for it. I'm so glad you had this freeing experience. ❤

  3. Alison, your creative spirit is an inspiration to me and to many I"m sure. I love the hues in this piece! All my healing hugs go out to you across the air-waves.

  4. Dear Alison, Last chemo! I hope you are having a good time and taking care of yourself. I think about you often. I might be doing my art therapy placement in Brisbane. See you soon, hopefully. Love Sara

  5. Hi Alison you are so amazing to experience all this difficulty so open-eyed. I love the grief piece. It is messy, intense and beautiful. I hope that you soon experience more of the joyful feelings of life. How much can a koala bear? May the sun be shining warmly on you. love Jodie Eden

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