It means disease getting worse, not progress at all!
I'm sad to report that the little tumours in my lymph system have been growing again. A recent scan confirmed what I've been noticing, lumps and sometimes some aching. No new sites, so that's good, but at least 3 “masses” in my abdomen.
I'm in for more chemo, starting soon at the Mater in Brisbane – my 3rd time. Using the same drugs over and over can lead to cancer resistence, so this time I'll have carboplatin and gemcitabine (last time was carbo plus paclitaxol). Previously I have been the model patient and very responsive to these platinum drugs, so hopefully this continues. There is a ghastly list of possible side effects ahead, but again I'm hoping to cope well as I have before.
By now we reckon tamoxifen wasn't helping me, so I've stopped taking it. I will be really happy if this means fewer hot flushes. It has been a long hot and sweaty summer for me!
I'm awash with many different feelings:
Disappointed and weepy about being a patient again
Glad I've made the most of my time free from treatment
Heartache about being a cause for grief and worry for my dear ones
Fairly relaxed as an “old hand” at chemo, and confident of success
Grateful for a dedicated medical team I can trust, and relieved I have treatment options
Very appreciative of the great caring and support from my family and friends